Dating. Relationships. They sure get complicated, don’t they?
I recently caught up with a couple of girlfriends I haven’t met in a while who are still single. I couldn’t help but reminisce the dating days – while they’re scratching their heads about the mixed signals guys are giving them, I have just celebrated my 39th menoversary with le boyfriend.
Singlehood may have felt like ages ago for me, but those frustrating moments are still fresh in my memory.
Say it’s been weeks. Perhaps months.
You might have texted back and forth, and perhaps even hung out a few times.
If you’re a traditional girl like me, you’re probably frustrated by now – should I get over it and move on, or is this still worth the wait?
I know we’re living in a modern era and everything, and people keep telling you you can just ask. But I’m guessing the last thing you want is to come off as desperate and scare him off.
In this case, there are only 2 possibilities: Either he’s not that into you, or that he just can’t read your all-too-subtle signals enough to gather his confidence. If there’s one thing guys fear the most, it’s rejection.
What’s for sure is that if a guy is truly interested in you, he will make the call … though only God knows when.
I know firsthand how super frustrating it feels to see that your crush seems to not get the message. To tell you the truth, it’s perfectly fine to break the old rules sometimes. But that’s a topic for another day.
As long as you don’t wait forever for just this one guy, realize that there are plenty of great guys out there waiting for you to come out of your shell so that they can start talking to you.
Now guys, this one’s for you.
If you’re not feeling so confident yourself, you’ve come to the right place.
You know there’s a good chance she might feel the same way, but you want to be sure. Whether it’s a new girl in your life or an old acquaintance, you’d much prefer making your advances knowing that she won’t reject you in the end.
Assuming you’re looking for a long-term relationship, it might’ve already taken you a while to find a good catch, and you don’t want to be spending more time only to find out she sees you as nothing more than a friend. How do you tell if this girl’s interested, especially if she seems to be the traditional type?
Although you should keep in mind that all girls are different (and special in their own ways), girls like this are masters at hiding their emotions – you’ll never truly know until you ask her.
Which is scary. And heck … what would you do if she says ‘no’ and you end up looking ridiculous?
Well, here are the cues for you to just get up already and make your move. You wait any longer, you’re doomed in the friendzone forever.
Why now? Because even though both men and women generally suck at spotting a flirt (most of us just don’t know when we see it), women still fare better at interpreting nonverbal signals and body language than men do. And if she continually sees that you haven’t got the hots for her (even if you do inside), she’ll simply move on.
Observe her ways:
It’s in her smile.
Her face lit up the moment she sees you. It might look subtle, but you know it when you see it. Even the most reserved person cannot help but grin in the face of something they like to see.
Breaking news: You’re not the only one with eyes. There will always be other guys who are after her and they’re all probably sending her the same “let’s hang out some time” message. She won’t bother to respond to all of them if she isn’t remotely interested. But if she is, you’ll get a reply in no more than 24 hours. Bonus points for emojis.
She asks questions.
If she’s interested, she’ll go beyond responding – she’ll keep the conversation going so she’s not only going to get one-word or yes-or-no answers from you. If most of her questions are about you, you’re doing great, buddy.
This is a universal sign that conveys interest: You catch her glancing at you, and she’s shy so she breaks the contact. She looks up to you again, you’re still staring at her. She smiled, you smiled, and the world outside seems to disappear.
On average, we women need to gaze at you 3 times before you really get it, according to researcher Monika Moore. So if you still won’t approach and say hi after 3 gazes, it’s a cue for us to look away.
However, if you’ve known each other for a while, eye-gazing is a bit more complicated than that. At best, she might be aware not to give away too much as well, for fear of scaring you off and all. What you can watch out for is those dilating eyes – the pupils naturally expand when it is paying attention to something of interest.
Also, at any given conversation, she’ll maintain eye contact for longer than women who aren’t remotely interested in you. Depending on the girl you’re smitten by, you might also catch her smizing at you every now and then.
She’s probably biting her lower lip or licking it. Whether she’s aware of this or not, if she likes what she sees, her lips would part at the sight of you.
Unlike the ADD-driven girls you’re used to seeing, she actually listens. She rarely checks her phone, she makes you forget you have a phone, and the both of you just keep carrying on the conversation through the night. You might be rationalizing yourself that it’s just her genuine personality, but if she doesn’t stop the conversation before you do, even though it’s already past midnight, it’s a good sign.
It’s in the details.
What’s not a good sign: She’s still closed, even after all the hours you’ve spent together and you sharing your stories with her. Of course she wouldn’t be talking about her teacup pig obsession if you didn’t open up first about your fetish for corgis. But if you did and she responds with a polite laugh instead of disclosing herself, she’s definitely not into you.
She teases you (and the head tilt).
This has been proven: She can get quite playful with her jokes. So no, it’s not really about your goofy shirt or patchy beard. She’s just testing the waters, see whether you’ll tease her back and then gauge your level of interest from there.
Also, the classic head tilt: It’s the come hither look you must never miss. Just think about the last time you’re interested and curious about something – you were tilting your head to the side, aren’t you?
She laughs at all your jokes.
Even the dorky ones … especially the dorky ones.
You know, ones that no one ever laughs at.
She treats you differently.
She’s timid as a bunny with others but quite the talker with you, or vice versa. The reverse is more common, although in my case, I was the timid one babbling because I used to believe that guys only like girls who talk a whole lot (stupid, right?).
Notice how she acts around her family, her friends, her co-workers, and then see if there’s a contrast with how she acts around you. It can be anything from her pitch to her posture: Does she slouch a bit when she’s talking to others but look as if she does daily Pilates whenever she’s hanging out with you? Is she speaking much more slowly with you when she’s usually fast and high-pitched with her friends?
If she’s not touching you, she’s touching herself.
Particularly her hair, hands, and neck. It’s a subconscious way of showing you exactly how she wants to be touched. Keep a mental note the next time you catch her stroking her neck ever so gently while listening to you talk.
She seems disinterested …
… but her body says differently.
Her eyes may be darting across the room, but her shoulders are open, her hips facing you, and her legs are clearly pointed toward you. Also notice her wrists: Are they turned out and exposed? Women and gay men subconsciously do this to show submission – it’s all the more reason you really should come over.
She doesn’t talk about other guys.
This is a giveaway that I find most guys frequently miss: No matter how indifferent she seems, if she doesn’t talk about other guys in your presence, it can only mean one thing – You’re the guy.
I mean, why would she talk about the guy who went out of his way to send her flowers everyday while she’s already spending her time with you? It’ll only push you away, and she doesn’t want that. Stop being oblivious about this, because, again, you’re not the only one who have your eyes on her.
She wonders why you’re still single.
Unless she’s friendzoned you and wants you to go on double dates with her and her almost boyfriend, she might bring up the subject of your singlehood as a way of probing whether there’s any other girl you’re seeing.
It’s also an indirect way of asking whether or not you’re attracted to her, and what generally attracts you. Before she gets her hopes up, she wants to get an idea of what you’re looking for in a relationship and see where she stands on your benchmark. God forbid she thinks you don’t want anything more than friends and decide to move on.
So what are you waiting for? Man up now, and show her just how much you really like her.